What If?


What should I do with all these dreams inside?
Should I ignore them?
Should I toss them aside?

But if it hurts to bad to do it?
Teach me how I can make myself forget…

These feelings grow stronger each day
My head is caving in
The craving is too much to stand
Feels like I’m siking in
But what if?

My skin burns in pain
It hurts to much to dream
But what if?

I hear a voice screaming inside my head
The thoughts are mixed up to what’s not there
Blinded by bottled up emotions
I watch myself from afar
Wondering what’s real and what’s not

The craving is too much to stand
I die within your hands
Like a butterfly trapped in your palms
Struggling to be left free
To fly away from here
But what if?

My skin burns in pain
It hurts to much to dream
But what if?

Nothing is what it seems
I try to run free
What if?

What if it hurts too bad to be left alone
To be left forgotten, to not be strong

What if what we mean is never what we think?
What if all this is just a bad dream?

Heaven’s Tears

Standing on my own
From poet to poet I borrow
Words to write my sorrow
Crying out silently I go…

My petrified heart tries to beat slowly
Longing, wishing upon a lie
Hoping something, someone
Anything will make it heal tonight

And I go on and on
I’m writing along the falling raindrops
Heaven’s tears…

Another word I borrow, I scribble down
I’m building up a living lie
Somewhere I feel safe
It’s somewhere I can hide

Don’t look at me
I’m not worth it
Don’t even bother and don’t even try
You’ll never see the truth I keep inside

It’s not mine, it’s not yours
Those things I carry inside belong to no one
They’ve just got lost in this soul I call my own

And on and on I go
Again and I again I write
Raindrops falling, pouring
Heave’s tears…

Trapped within darkness, I feel
The walls of this invisible prison
They’re closing in on me
I can not breathe…

I try to run, I try to escape, break myself free
But there’s no way I can move
Crimson fears hold me tight
Blood tears blind my eyes

But I never stop writing, I hang on
Coz the rain still falls, it hasn’t stopped
It’s falling, it’s pouring down
It’s out there for you, it’s out there for me
It is Him suffering for my misery

And I go on and on, writing along
Raindrops fall, they’re pouring down
Heaven’s tears…

Surrender

Deceitful feelings taking over

Ruled by unmerciful thoughts

Guided by secret desires

Fighting against all odds

There’s a wish crawling underneath

It’s like a disease never ending

An everlasting pain

Begot of a maddening need

Whatever it is I hold in

It gets choked, it’s sufocating me

Suppressing the life from flowing

Weakening every single dream

Twisting and turning from inside

I try my best and smile

But still the craving, it won’t subside

It only grows and grows

It becomes more and more alive

If only this wanting went shallow

And gave me an only night of rest

I’d lay my head back down

I’d let it all slide

I’d stop putting myself to the test

But the disease running underneath

It never fails, it won’t give in

It pumps power into the aching

Increasing the breaking

And makes me shatter all over again

So here I am

Alone, abandoned, forgotten

Here is where I’ll lay forever

So what is left to fight for?

No more words, no more wonder

I surrender

Another old thing I wrote.

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The Beauty Of It All

Raindrops falling outside the door
Sweet scents over floating in the air
A sudden warming comfort taking over
I know I’m no longer scared
A smile grows upon my face
I’m finally home
I finally found my place

Sunrises come to play with the rain
They’re entwined in a beautiful dance
By the sound of the birds’ symphony
Sliding together, they go on and on
They turn to me, in a invitation, they say
“Come out and play!”
There’s no way I can say no

I step outside the door
And with my arms wide opened, I dance
I lift up my head and I close my eyes
I let the raindrops fall on my face
They’re washing all the pain away
I allow the sunrises to lock me in a gentle embrace
Within their warmth I know I’m safe
And I stay there, inside the pouring rain
As happiness fulfills the places
Where once bitterness reigned

In our sweet delightful dance
The hours pass us by
The night surrounds everything
Rain and sun kiss me goodbye
I look up, I see the stars shining bright
Getting caught talking to myself again
I’m amused by how good it feels
The touch of the moonlight bathing my skin
Calling me out for one more dance

Leaving is never easy…
Wish I could stay here
Wish I could dance forever
But the moon looks down at me, she whispers
“I know it’s time… It’s okay, you can leave”
“I’ll be here tomorrow just as the same”
“I’ll be waiting for you in another nightdream”
I say goodbye, I walk back inside
I lay my head on the pillow
I let myself drift to sleep in the memory of this fantasy